Kids describe their favorite toy and why it is so special to them.
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Where to start…i am 15 years old and i used to live with my father when i was younger. As far as i am aware, he would never do anything to hurt me, however there is a chance he hit me a few times (at least once) so im not really sure, but he often left me with babysitters and random people i didnt know while he went out to God knows where and i have noticed through the years that i resemble many symptoms of somone that was molested as a young child. For example, i have repressed memory and so i do not remember anything of my childhood from about 9 or 10 years and below. This could just geenreally be because my father did not treat me very well and overall neglected me and my younger brother, leaving me to care and raise him until we moved in with our mother, but it seems like it’s more than that. Also, i have been very sexual for as long as i can remember, i have masturbated far too frequently and am much more mentally developed in that way compared to others my age or even older. I am a virgin but only because im too worried about getting pregnant, otherwise i would have lost it many years ago. My mother had also noticed many symptoms in me that i only found out recently, i hated going back to my father’s house from my mum on the weekends because i was too scared, i had bedwetting problems up to an unusally high age (i not long got out of it after many years of medication), and i believe there are things my mother isnt telling me but i am fairly positive that something happened to me but whatever it was, has been repressed and i dont want to put my mum through the stress of a therapist or more counselling, especially since i am doing my GCSES and will be going to college soon. I have wondered this for years now and im beginning to feel the need to know if its true, do you think it could be or is it just a coincidence that my mother and i have noticed these?
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Only some strange memories pop up. Im in a tent in the living room with a BFF (about 3rd or 4th grade?), and I took my pants off for no reason, then pulled them back up. My bff making me smell his sisters bra?? I remember dressing up in girls clothes with my little brother (around same age).. and telling him I wanted to be “smooth like a girl”.. hiding my penis. As a trans person Ive always had major body dysphoric feeling about that area. I have deffiently had the transgender feelings since before this age.. as its my earliest memory. I was generally effeminate. I dont know.. I just dont know anymore.. I feel like my mind is splitting open, but I dont have any memories of molestation.. Yet I have so many symptoms of BPD. I was bullied alot as a kid growing up from about 3rd grade (and a loner before that). Im scared, but… I also really want to know.. I want to remember if anything happened to me. I mean my childhood memory is gaps, and hard to remember. I also age-regress sometimes… on purpose even.. and it feels good to be a little kid again. After an age-regression I collapse into total tears and sobbing for about 10mins. Lost and confused.. wandering around this life for 36 years, have almost killed myself several times… yet professionally together.. I own a business.. and a house.. and a great partner.. nobody would know that inside, and at home I can be a terrible terrible mess. Im very sensative to lots of things… writing this makes me want to cry